True Love: Being Happy Together: Part VI
When we talk about the topic of True Love: Being Happy Together … this includes moving from selfishness to companionship, becoming together, interpersonal communion, the gift of each other, welcoming and accepting each other, attentiveness and truthfulness, sharing yourself with each other, making sacrifices for each other, making room for each other in each other’s life, forgiving each other and asking for forgiveness, comforting and helping each other heal, being at the service of the other, having courage and taking action.
The next question is What are the other pieces and what do they truly include and look like concretely in every day life?
11. Finding Courage
The Eucharist is the very source of Christian marriage. The Eucharistic Sacrifice represents Christ’s covenant of love with the church. Remember in any situation you can either give up, or you can turn to a higher power, God, for help. Choose to turn to God in prayer. Again, the goodness you see in each other is what will carry you through the difficult times. The power of prayer will also carry you through. Prayer allows you to look at your spouse and your relationship from God’s perspective, and with the eyes of love. Through prayer you can stay turned towards each other and continue to work on your marriage, even when it is hard. Prayer, said alone, has the ability to strengthen your bond. When praying, be aware of your own feelings and emotions, and let these be an invitation to lift your heart and mind to God. When you forget yourself and become aware of God, that is when your prayer breaks through. God always awaits for you in the depth of your heart, in your emotions. When you face what those feelings and emotions are, and admit what they are to yourself and to God that is when God can step in. You can either choose to ignore God’s presence (as well as all your feelings and emotions) and be alone in your pain and frustrations, or in the end become destructive in relation to your feelings and outside world… or you can admit what they are, turn to God, take them to God, and open your heart to God’s presence and God will begin to reveal to you, God’s love and mercy. You can go to God in prayer to thank God for the many blessings in your life, you can go to God with your frustrations, joys, sorrows, pain, contentment, worries, gladness, and love. Let God become your daily companion, talk to him, and ask him for advice. God’s presence in your life is what will keep your spirit alive and will keep you going.
As a couple, you want to pray together. When you are able, renew your wedding vows to each other, go to mass together, cultivate time together where you share about your faith with each other. Through prayer, you will find ways to forgive each other, help each other heal, and to serve one another. We see this even more deeply in the mass through the parts of the mass. We see Christ’s love for us through the gift of himself, the gift of the Eucharist. This is also how God calls us to be in our relationship with our beloved. We are to be committed to welcoming each other, to always be present, and to make sacrifices for the sake of the relationship.
You can also take time to thank God for the happiness your spouse brings to you, and ask for God’s help to accept your beloved with the imperfections that cause you discomfort from time to time. You can also go to God to admit your shortcomings and failings, towards God, others, and towards each other.
“When you truly mean what you say, you find yourself moved by the grace of God. Your heart is softened and your intolerance and judgmental attitude toward your beloved melt away. You let go of grudges, the resentments, and the anger you may feel. You ask for forgiveness and you forgive. At that moment, the barriers that stand between you and God, and between you and your beloved are removed. Your communion is restored. You are ready as a couple and as members of God’s family to celebrate and worship God as one. Then, you sit down and prepare to listen to God speak to you and guide you with his Word, which is about to be proclaimed.” - Bosios 151
As you listen to God’s word at the mass, hear about God’s unwaivering faithfulness, and let it guide you in keeping your commitment to always be truthful and committed to your spouse. As you express appreciation to God at the mass, so also are you to express appreciation in your marriage. Remember that appreciation is not only expressed in words, but in a smile, touch, special glance, not, kiss and in many other ways. As Christ sacrifices himself for you, both people in the marriage are to make sacrifices for each other in the marriage… but more frequently than not, the sacrifices you make, don’t always feel like sacrifices because you are doing something special out of love for the one you love and are in love with. The giving and the receiving that goes on every day in marriage are the essence of your love - and the quality of your self-giving increases marital happiness… The more you remove yourself from selfishness, and instead healthy self-gift-ness / selflessness - your love for each other grows more deeply.
Bosio states: “When you and your spouse participate in the Mass and let the grace that comes from these rituals open your hearts to God and to each other, you leave the celebration of the Eucharist fed and nourished spiritually. You feel energized because the barriers that existed and were sapping the relationship have been torn down; your hearts have been opened to God and to each other; your union has been strengthened. You cannot be against each other if you are United in God. Thus, you are ready to continue your journey on the path of love with a stronger resolve” (154).
Important behaviors to that resonate God’s love, and words and actions when conveyed deepen your relationship. Some of these are: “ I trust you", “You are a part of my life,” “you are important to me,” “it’s okay, I don’t mind,” “you can count on me,” “I care about you,” “how can I help you,” “please forgive me” … through these words and actions, you convey your love for your beloved and this love flows out to your family and to your neighborhood. Your interactions have a sacramental power and each of your actions touch the other person in a way that gives your spouse a taste of the goodness of God’s love.
Remember that the Holy Spirit is present in you and that the grace given by God helps you to understand, accept, love, and cherish your spouse. The Holy Spirit gives you wisdom, fortitude, generosity to give unselfishly, the willingness to forgive, the compassion to heal and console, and the dedication to always serve without expecting to be served. Prayer is the nourishment that will give you strength, the courage to persevere when you feel like running away, and will help you to love the way God loves. When you do love the way God loves you become what you are meant to be, fulfilling God’s design, giving glory to God, and giving you true love and true joy.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you… I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” (Jn 15: 11-12)
Helpful Things You Can Do Today:
Be aware of your feelings, positive or negative, pleasant or painful, and let them prompt you to turn your mind to God.
Today, when your beloved does something that irritates you, ask God to help you speak to your spouse in a way that does not escalate the tension.
Resolve that you will attend mass with your beloved on Sunday. Pay attention to how the participation in the sacraments helps you love your spouse.
Pray to God for help in becoming the gift to your spouse that he made you to be.
Based on Happy Together by John Bosio )
With Analysis, Insight, Writing and Perspective by Mary E. Grenchus
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